Hope

It's something that's not very easy to talk about, which is probably why i never do. It's hard to think back in time about things you wish you could have changed, at those few regrets you choose to live with. This is one of those things.

I am very close to my mom's side of the family. She is the youngest but she only has two sisters so it's easier to keep up with everything that is going on with that side of the family. My dads side however isn't that way. We all live close together, but he was the youngest of six siblings, all of which have passed away but two. His side of the family just isn't very close knit, so it was hard to get to know them as well as i would have liked.

My grandmother, Hope, was the one person who kept the whole family together. When we finally got together it was for her, with her, or about her. But me being my busy self didn't make it to nearly enough of those few and far gatherings, one being her 90th birthday, the last birthday she would have. It is for this reason that i am writing this tribute to her.

She spent the last few months of her life at St. Mary's which made it not easier, but more convenient to visit her. I imagine that sitting in a bed every day doing next to nothing was something that was far less than fun to do. So, because i enjoy singing, and my father enjoys playing guitar, we decided to go in and play some songs for her every week, and it is these days with her that i remember most. The smells weren't the greatest; stale air and hospital food. But the sounds of our music putting a long awaited smile on her face made all of the bad smells more than worth it. Going to visit her was hard, but knowing i wasn't there as often as i should have been before was even harder, and i had to do anything and everything to attempt to make that up.

On March 7th, 2010 she left us, as we were all gathered around her bed, in the same hospital room that we had once sang such lovely songs. At her funeral i was asked to sing a song in her memory, and although i knew it would be hard, i remembered the smile that it put on her face, and saying no was out of the question.

I love you grandma.